Hardcore Zen

I had some understanding of Zen (or so I thought) from reading Hofstader and Pirsig, a short reading through Watts. To me, Zen was about the destruction of ideas; an deconstructionist, almost dada-ist religion where thoughts were meaningless, desire was shunned and even the religion itself "could only be learned by forgetting it." I'd hear stories of people going weeks without speaking in a retreat, trying to answer unanswerable questions, staring into a candle-flame, and trying to eliminate their very idea of self. Didn't sound very fun, or practical, or even useful.

I'm not religious. I barely care enough to be an atheist. So why was I reading the book?

Mostly because of the cover. "Question authority. Question society. Question reality. Question yourself." And then, in a smaller font: "This is Zen for people who don't give a rat's ass about Zen."

Or maybe it was the inside quote: "I have no time for lies or fantasy and neither should you. Enjoy or die." -- Johnny Rotten.

Whoever this guy was, he was not a hippie. And when I started to read, the author took the attitude I had and neatly reversed it; embracing sceptical thinking, pointing out the holes in his experience and his distinct lack of Zen Master enlightenment. And his refreshingly blunt, clear opinions on organized religion, including Zen masters and koans. I liked him. Whoever he was, he thought like I did. I've never liked being given a pat answer or being told "Don't look too deep. Don't ask too many hard questions. Don't ask why."

So that's why I read Hardcore Zen. And the interesting thing about having read Hardcore Zen is that it didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. I've had people return it, saying that it just says what's obvious anyway. And that's why I like it so much. Zen, at least in some minds, is not about transcendence or enlightenment, or nirvana. It's about pointing out what's in front of you, again and again. Not to take it for granted. Not to assume it. Zen isn't about staring off into the distance. Zen is about paying attention.

As a consequence, Zen has many things to say about how the brain works. Cognitive Science can tell you how we reshape the memories of the past to fit how we see the present. How we then dream about the future instead of seeing the present as it is. That how we see ourselves acting in theory is not actually how we act in practice. Zen has been saying this for thousands of years.

Zen holds a light up to how inconsistent human beings are, and how little we understand about ourselves. And Warner goes into detail about how this applies in practice, to him in particular. A good portion of the book details just how much damage "paying attention" can do to your carefully groomed ego. Warner starts off playing in a punk band, and realizes how much punks depend on authority (police) to allow them to rebel against it. He sees punk turn from being a way to express individuality to a set conformity with its own dress code. He talks about people who spend day after day trying to solve all the world's ills... but then come home and treat themselves and their friends like crap. And even as Warner tries to dismantle the concept of authority, he has to struggle with the possibility of being an authority figure in his own right; a punk rock guitarist turned Zen Master.

But more than that, Warner realizes just how much of an asshole he can be. He has to face up to everything he's done, and everything he's still doing. He starts to see his emotions and desires more clearly, and they're not always fun to see. He quotes his brother-in-law as saying "It's impossible not to feel angry when you are facing the gale-force winds of your emotions whipping across your body." But he says another idea of anger is "sitting in the bathtub frantically thrashing around and throwing handfuls of water into the air while simultaneously wondering why the hell your head and face keep getting wet." Being angry is intoxicating, but who and what is causing this anger? It's not coming from the situation. It's the reaction to the situation that is anger. It's coming from inside.

And finally, he talks about life as it is. That reality is ultimately waking up in the morning, pulling your sorry ass out of bed, and trying to figure out which limbs do what when you're brushing your teeth and getting dressed for work. That enlightenment is as much about being okay with being stuck in traffic as it is about seeing the face of God.

Hardcore Zen doesn't tell you anything you don't already know. But to me, at least, it reminds me that I know it. And maybe, just maybe, with sustained effort and careful attention, I can be less of an asshole.